NARRATOR". When last we left our brave boys...
they were encased by Catwoman in a giant echo chamber...
where the drip-drip-drop of a faucet was magnified 10 million times.
If they don't find some solution...
their magnificent minds will be reduced to oatmeal...
thereby rendering them useless for a great many things.
Stay glued to your seat. The worst is yet to come.
Robin.
Every room has its sympathetic vibration.
A note that will shatter glass like the great Caruso did with his voice.
The note for this room should be F-sharp above high C.
Wow.
- I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while. - What?
I said, "Wow, I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while."
You'll have to speak a little louder, Robin.
I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while.
Whew.
- Robin. - No, Belgoody.
Call Chief O'Hara and have him pick this bounder up.
Right, Batman.
All right, Belgoody, tell me everything.
Every...? Well, I was born in Youngstown of poor but honest parents.
Come off it, Belgoody. You're pulling my boot.
- What's Catwoman's plan? - Hm-hm.
You're too late, Batman. You're too late. Because right at this very moment in history...
Catwoman is stealing the voices of Chad and Jeremy at the Policeman's Ball.
Their voices?
So that's it.
What a fiendish plan.
Chief O'Hara and his men will be right over.
We must get to Gotham City Town Hall immediately, Robin.
Let's tie him up quickly.
NARRATOR". And at Gotham City Town Hall on the other side of town...
the joint is really jumping.
And now here they are, the music world's dynamic duo...
Chad and Jeremy.
Sweet, soft summer nights
Dancing shadows
Are your see-in-the-dark glasses in order, Meanie, Miney, Moe'?
- You bet. - They sure are.
Ready to go.
You came
For me to follow
And we kissed
On distant shores
Long, quiet hours of play
Sounds of tomorrow
Let's get them.
Love came
You said they couldn't get away, Catwoman.
And yet they did. And so will we.
I can't see, Batman.
Neither can I, Robin. But then again, neither can they.
Oh, yes, we can.
Cats can always see in the dark, especially with these glasses.
Ha-ha-ha! Come on, kittens.
We've done it!
- Let's go after them, Batman. - No, Robin. I'm afraid it's too late.
We must stay here and restore order.
With 5000 screaming teenagers, someone is liable to get hurt.
Citizens. Citizens.
Hi, kids.
NARRATOR". And on the following morning...
two special guests appear on the Allan Stevens television show.
- Now, you were saying... - As I was saying, America must have faith...
that the law will recover the voices of Chad and Jeremy.
I understand millions of the world's teenagers are in mourning since last night's tragedy.
Yes, that's quite true, Mr. Stevens.
But on the plus side, millions of parents are delighted.
Speaking as an average, ordinary, red-blooded, typical American teenager...
this is one of the worst things that could have happened.
Fans, you have our assurance that Catwoman will be captured...
and that the voices of Chad and Jeremy will be restored...
before another sun sets on Gotham City.
The sun also rises, smarty-tights.
Keep the audience covered. If anyone moves, hit them with a sonic beam blast.
- Crush them, Batman. - Hold it, Robin.
They appear to be desperate. They might fire on the audience.
You bet your baby blue eyes we would.
We'll continue with this tense scene in just a moment, but first...
And now, right back to you, Catwoman.
What is it you want, Catwoman?
Eight million pounds for the return of their voices.
Eight million pounds of what? Chicken fat?
Sorry I asked.
It comes to a grand total of 22,400,000 American dollars...
and I want it fast.
How do we know you really have their voices and will return them?
Sweet, soft summer nights
But that's impossible.
Nobody will pay that much money for those voices.
England will.
Because England swings like a pendulum do. Or does.
England?
Of all the preposterous plans.
You can't hold up an entire country.
Wanna bet?
Chad and Jeremy pay so much income tax to their native land, that if it were to stop...
the whole empire might crumble and the British pound would be deflated.
And once that happens...
the entire economic structure of the world would collapse.
- How dastardly. - All right, you've heard my deal.
You got until tomorrow noon to come up with the scratch.
If not, I'll turn my voice-eraser loose on everyone.
Now, just a darn minute here. You can't come in here and thre...
Come on, kittens.
Let's shake a paw.
The sneeze bomb ought to keep you busy for a while.
Ah. Batman and Robin.
Ah, welcome to my humble office.
I am Sir Sterling Habits. How do you do?
And how do you do? Heh.
And what brings you here at such an early hour of the morning?
By this time, you're aware of the serious tragedy affecting your country's most popular export.
Have we stopped making those small sports oars?
We're referring to Chad and Jeremy.
Oh, yes, those blighters. Hm.
Can't understand a word they say.
Why can't the English learn to speak?
Have you consulted your government about the ransom demands?
Oh, yes, indeed. Parliament has been overtime on it.
- And? - Well...
I'm expecting a telephone call from them at any moment now.
Hello?
Oh, Harold.
How are you?
Yes. Uh-huh, quite.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
You're quite sure?
Ah, hm.
Well, thank you very much indeed. Pip-pip.
Well, that was them, or should I say "they."
Well, it doesn't matter anyhow.
They will not accede to Catwoman's demands.
Millions for their records...
not a cent for their ransom.
- Yes. Well, thank you, Sir Sterling. - Not at all.
Yes, what is it, Rhett?
Begging your pardon, sir, but a large crowd have gathered outside the consulate...
having heard the Dynamic Duo are here.
I fear at this moment, time's too precious to spend with our admirers.
We must get cracking.
L... I'm afraid they have all entrances covered, sir.
To the window, Robin. Cheerio, Sir Sterling.
Don Ho, what are you doing here?
Well, I came back to get some land we lost back in Hawaii.
And to do a little singing here in Gotham City, I hope.
Well, I brought my most important prop along.
It's gotten me as far as your Batropes have gotten you.
Yeah, I think I'll introduce Batropes in Hawaii.
Pick coconuts more easy that way.
I'd like to sit here and chat with you all day, Don, but...
The surfs coming up and we gotta catch a big one.
Okay, fellas, I understand. Aloha.
Aloha.
All of our men are out there in the field, Batman...
but they're not making a bit of headway.
Poor Commissioner Gordon is still without his voice.
I think she's got us licked.
The game is never over until the last out is made, chief.
Never say die.
We've had some dark moments in the past, haven't we?
- Yes, I know, but this... - Fear not.
The criminal always makes one mistake. I'm sure she did too.
There's no such thing as the perfect crime.
Well, I, for one, can't think of a single mistake she made.
She even had the audacity to phone me...
right here in Commissioner Gordon's office this morning.
- You remember anything she said, chief? - Better than that.
I tape-recorded most of the conversation.
Sound thinking.
- Holy resourcefulness. - I couldn't have put it better myself, Robin.
It's no wonder you've risen to the top of your department, Chief O'Hara.
Chief y, what I want is money.
You got four hours before I start using my voice-eraser on everyone.
Today Gotham City, tomorrow the world.
The gall of that woman.
Do you mind if I take this with me, Commissioner Gordon?
"Not at all. But Why?"
I heard a strange noise in the background.
We might just be able to identify it on the Bat-sound Analyzer.
Courage. We'll have your voice back before you can say "Jack Robinson."
Come on, Robin. There's not much time.
Think it'll work, Batman?
It has to work, Robin. The world's at stake.
This will determine if that sound in the background...
is something unique and traceable.
- Batman, there's something I don't understand. - Yes?
I realize that losing the power of speech is an awful thing...
but why do you feel that the whole world's at stake?
Simple.
- If we couldn't talk, there'd be no telephones. - Oh.
You see, there are millions of people who use telephones in business every day.
Now they'd have to meet their clients face-to-face.
Oh.
That would cause enormous traffic problems.
Further, all the people who work for the world's phone companies...
would lose their jobs.
There'd be no such thing as radio, television and movies would go silent.
- Oh. - There's a whole host of ramifications.
And Catwoman can do all that?
If we let her.
Now let's see what that noise in the background is.
"Three hair dryers."
Hair dryers?
If I remember correctly, Robin...
there are over 2000 beauty salons in Gotham City.
There's just not enough time, unless...
Unless what, Batman?
Unless the effects of the voice-eraser wear off after a while.
If that's true, Robin, we don't have to worry at all.
- Gosh, Batman, I hope so. - You go topside, Robin...
and see if Chad and Jeremy have recovered their voices. I'll push on here.
Aye, aye, sir.
- Any luck, Alfred? - I'm afraid not, Master Dick.
Your aunt and I have tried every remedy we can think of...
but, uh, it appears that Chad and Jeremy may well have been stilled forever.
It may not be long before we're all in the same condition. There must be some way out.
What is it, Alfred?
It seems that they want to go out to get their hair done.
Boy, I thought I'd heard everything.
Yes. To Mr. Oceanbring's on Pickford Street.
Mr. Oceanbring's?
The world-famous men's hairstylist?
It's the latest rage, Master Dick.
Almost every rock 'n' roll star goes to have his hair coiffed by Mr. Oceanbring.
Are there hair dryers at Mr. Oceanbring's?
Thanks.
Well, what in the world could he have meant by that?
Well, madam, urn...
apparently something about the hair dryers at Mr. Oceanbring's...
seemed particularly attractive to... Uh...
Yes.
One day without the power to speak and the whole world will be at our knees. Ha.
Then they'll pay anything to get their voices back. Ha.
Being an honorable crook...
I'd let them off the hook for a measly $22,400,000.
- We should have finished off Batman. - And Robin.
When we had the chance.
Oh, I couldn't bring myself to do it, boys.
Even though I don't care very much for that Boy Wonder...
Batman did save my life once. I owe him that.
If we do steal everyone's voices, how do we give them back after we get paid off?
Ah.
With this devilishly clever little formula.
Easily compounded of sweet basil, garlic, salt and goat's milk in the right proportion.
Twelve noon.
Time to make the call.
Quentin 3-3700.
Sorry, wrong number, Catwoman.
Batman.
Batman, whyfor art thou doing this to me?
It's my job, Catwoman.
I am sworn to uphold the law.
But if you'd just come down off your high horse for a moment...
we could make such beautiful music together.
You'll play a different tune when we're through, and all the notes will be sour.
Party pooper. Teenagers should be seen and not heard.
All right, men, destroy the Dynamic Duo.
Watch the antiques.
Gentle with Batman, boys.
Stay until Chief O'Hara arrives and guard them.
Someone let Catwoman out of the bag. I can't let her get away now.
The sonic beam in this gun can slice like a hot knife through the high-priced spread.
Ah, but I've reached an impasse.
Shall I steal your voice or end your life?
Whichever you decide, I'm sure it'll be the wrong choice.
You have a pretty sharp tongue for a man about to say goodbye to this world, Batman.
Beg. Beg for your mortal existence.
I'd rather die than beg for such a small favor as my life.
What are you waiting for?
Can't you see how I feel about you, Batman?
How I want you by my side.
It won't work, Catwoman.
If you're going to kill me, you might as well get it over with.
I can't kill the only man that I've...
Don't worry, Catwoman.
You wouldn't have killed me even though you shot the gun.
The Anti Bat-sonic device in my Utility Belt would have deflected the beam.
Ha-ha. Well, it was a good plot while it lasted.
Yes, Catwoman, one of your very best.
Thank you.
But still the problem remains. How do we undo what you did?
- The stolen voices? - Yes.
Oh, well, you just, uh, have them all spray their throats with the atomizer.
- Get them back to normal in seconds. Heh. - Amazing.
Hm. Uh, you see, my voice-eraser electronically loosened their vocal chords...
and, uh, just have them spray it and it'll, uh, tighten them right back up again.
- Amazing. - Mm.
Batman, when I get out of jail, will you take me on a date?
Well, I have plenty of time to think about that, Catwoman.
Several years, I'm afraid.
If I were to kiss you, would you think I was a bad girl?
But, uh... No.
No, of course not, Catwoman.
Kissing is one of the most natural things in the world.
Uh, some people kiss almost every day, I'm told.
Well...
Come on, Batman. The police are here.
Boy Blunder.
Catwoman, may I take a rain check on that kiss?
Certainly, Batman.
Anytime.
Holy mush.
Went up to my boss today
I said, "Hey, man, can I have more pay?"
I said, "Will, you, please, sir?"
He took one look at me and then
He said, "If you ask me that again I'll kill you"
Aren't they great, Alfred?
Well, they certainly do sway, don't they?
- Very hep, Alfred. - It's "hip," Aunt Harriet. They changed it.
It's just to do and die, I know
But even so It seems that the world
Has passed me over
Same sort of thing With the birds in this town
I pick 'em up They put me down
Still you can't complain much
If I had a fancy car
Mercedes or a Jaguar
I'd thrill her
Well, Bruce Wayne.
Commissioner, nice to hear your voice again.
Do I have to cry?
Ours not to reason why, I know
It's just to do and die, I know
But even so It seems that the world
Has passed me over
My, uh, grandchildren insisted that I come and hear their Chad and Jeremy.
A bit on the groovy side, aren't they?
Every era has its own music, commissioner...
its own art, its own manner of speech.
Of course, the essence of progress is change.
A point well taken, Mrs. Cooper.
But there's one pair in the public eye which I pray will never suffer the stigma of antiquity.
Batman and Robin, commissioner?
You took the words right out of my mouth, Mrs. Cooper.
It's just to do and die, I know
But even so It seems that the world
Has passed me over